Crime Satirists Pillows

BOB THE MUGGER - Ring bell for service

'I got 397 dead birds and the mayor breathing down my neck. So, is this our perp or just another copycat?'

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

The Mafia Goes Green.

Petty Aero Larceny - I Stealing a Dinner.

"Do you want to order a contract killing, Don Carlos, or a pay-as-you-go killing?"

"I'm investigating the theft of a breadcrumb by an ant matching your description."

The Mafia isn't what it used to be...

"Remember, we're an enlightened group. We victimize everyone. No hate crimes for us."

"I want to report a race crime.'

"It was passed from my grandfather to my father, from my father to me, and now from me to you. Twenty bucks."

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

"You mean to say, Mr. 'Smiles,' that someone else left the scene wearing size 22 shoes?"

'First off, your average Paolozzi has far fewer holes than your Moore.'

Mafia machine gun case.

'I'm always broke because I keep getting MUGGED!'

'Hello, Mum!'

Money Launderette

'And what do you do?'

Cuffwear, 2004

My guys will loot, Bjorn's guys will pillage and your guys will make it all legal.

Incriminating Evidence Against the Cat Burglar.

Crooks

Prison Vacation For Mafiosi

Smelly mugger unfazed by victims CS Gas

'Armed robbery, eh? I'm in for being out of compliance with a Federal guideline

Police artist drawing a snarling dog while an injured cat desribes him

"Did any of these guys sell you the acid?"

'Whoever said 'dressed to kill' hasn't seen your average murderer.'

Don't worry his majesty with all this talk of 'big city lawyers'.

How ghastly! He's holding his knife like a pen!

"I've rented the extra room to an escaped convict - maybe you know him."

"Just pick out the one who ate your husband."

'Just your credit cards. I don't feel safe carrying cash these days.'

'You're trying too hard. That just scares them off.'