Crime Satire Enthusiast Pillows

'Armed robbery, eh? I'm in for being out of compliance with a Federal guideline

"It was passed from my grandfather to my father, from my father to me, and now from me to you. Twenty bucks."

'Oh for heaven's sake, pay him the protection money. At least he's easier to get rid of than the Jehovah's witnesses.'

'Now, this gentleman wants to take all your money and you want to keep it -- it seems to me that we have the basis for an equitable COMPROMISE.'

Money Launderette

Mafia machine gun case.

"How could this happen? I was a meticulous bookkeeper -- with both sets."

Prison Vacation For Mafiosi

'The governor has a few questions to ask you about last night's mass escape.'

Drive by shooting range.

'May I see some photo ID?'

I've been advised to build up a cash buffer, officer.

Slammer on the Spot

"Trigger treat!"

Murder Village - Bursts of street fighting every half hour

"Nighty-night, sleep tight - don't let the bedbugs rape."

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

'I got 397 dead birds and the mayor breathing down my neck. So, is this our perp or just another copycat?'

'I mean, what sort of thief only takes a dog bowl?'

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

"One crime on this island and everyone's a suspect!"

Police Lineup Escape

Petty Aero Larceny - I Stealing a Dinner.

'I won't be able to look up your account right now. Our computers have been impounded by the authorities.'

"Do you want to order a contract killing, Don Carlos, or a pay-as-you-go killing?"

"For a masked intruder, you seem to know your way around the house."

'OK, give him the money but we'll need to hold onto the gun as collateral.'

'I'm in for identity theft, I stole it off someone who was wanted for murder.'

"You mean to say, Mr. 'Smiles,' that someone else left the scene wearing size 22 shoes?"

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

"We find a murdered ventriloquist dummy and have reason to believe you had a hand in it."

"Everybody freeze! This is a stickup!"

"Do you know what time they open love?"