Crime Satire Lover Pillows

'I'm in for corporate hospitality.'

'I got 397 dead birds and the mayor breathing down my neck. So, is this our perp or just another copycat?'

Bumper sticker reads: Honk if you've been indicted.

'And what do you do?'

"You mean to say, Mr. 'Smiles,' that someone else left the scene wearing size 22 shoes?"

"I call shotgun."

"Of course we have evidence. The whole thing was captured on video."

'You crazy, man? He's a T'ai Chi master! -- He'll BORE you to death!'

Bank robber opens an account in the bank he robs.

'Whoever said 'dressed to kill' hasn't seen your average murderer.'

'John Gotti has got to be turning over in his grave.'

Stand back, he's got a gun!

'Back off, men! Back off! He's taken the TV hostage!'

"You don't want to choke up in this situation. I prefer to simply open my stance..."

Don't Walk - "They Buddy, can't you read!"

The theft of the Vanessa Feltz knickers

How ghastly! He's holding his knife like a pen!

'Wow! What a great bootleg! The FBI Warning is really clear!'

'Hands up! This is a robbery!'

"You spell just like you did when you were in fifth grade."

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

"I said freeze, punk, I didn't mean literally!"

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

Petty Aero Larceny - I Stealing a Dinner.

"Better idea! Let's obstruct traffic in the guy's neighborhood and make his morning commute difficult!"

'Did he say anything before he died?'

Pinata Crime Scene Investigation.

'They profiled me just because I'm a bank robber!'

"Do you want to order a contract killing, Don Carlos, or a pay-as-you-go killing?"

"I'm sorry, sir, but a blade's a blade."

'Asking for a lawyer was a good move. You can't outsmart the cops by yourself.' (Lawyer is a puppet being operated by policeman).

"What part of ‘secure the crime scene’ don’t you understand?!!"

'Can you prove it's your hat?'