Police Satire Lover Pillows

The Automatic Policeman

'You inspect the shop fronts and I'll inspect the rear.'

'Even my three year old doesn't believe in that last one.'

'Asking for a lawyer was a good move. You can't outsmart the cops by yourself.' (Lawyer is a puppet being operated by policeman).

'I got 397 dead birds and the mayor breathing down my neck. So, is this our perp or just another copycat?'

"There you go with that typical police mentality."

"Alright, I'll talk. Just please, stop with the good-cop, ab-cop routine."

Excessive Paperwork

"Just put one foot directly in front of the other, sir, and walk in as straight a line as possible."

Man sees his double in ID parade. Policeman says: 'Please indicate which of these men stole your identity.'

"You mean to say, Mr. 'Smiles,' that someone else left the scene wearing size 22 shoes?"

'Have you any idea what speed you were doing, sir?'

Serious Crime Squad, Light-Hearted Crime Squad, Happy As Larry Crime Squad.

"Next time the killer comes on your radio do not say 'COPY THAT'."

'...if you don't stop..er..singing Mr Bieber I'll arrest you for possessing an offensive weapon as well as drunk driving.'

'And what do you do?'

' We have ways of making them talk but how do we make them shut up ?!! '

"Victor one to control...we want to report a stolen car, Sergent - A white saloon with a little blue flashing light on top..."

Oh, sorry, I didn

'He had it coming..He said my mother had an arse like the back of a cart horse!'

Okay, knock it off. I'm not falling for the old "good fish, bad fish" routine.

Crooks

'Do not do anything reprehensible you are on camera'

Police Picket Line - Do Not Cross.

'Hello, Sir. Are you answering this call on a hands-free mobile?' 'Em...'

'Great News - it's not psoriasis . . . it's just an itchy trigger finger.'

'Whoever said 'dressed to kill' hasn't seen your average murderer.'

Police dancing behind line - titled 'Police Line Dancing'.

How ghastly! He's holding his knife like a pen!

'There you go again - laying down the law.'

'I know you're up ther, Barratt...'

"I think my mom put a tracking device on me. She seems to know every step I take."

"OK, since you have a medical card the cat nip is legal, but I'm going to be watching you."

"It's a disaster Sir: most new recruits suffer from some kind of ADHD or phone addiction and can't follow a trail for more than 30 seconds..."

'Illegal immigrant.'