Police Comedy Lover Pillows

'He had it coming..He said my mother had an arse like the back of a cart horse!'

Policemen

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

"My problem is a recessive gene for honesty and a dominant gene for robbery."

"I said freeze, punk, I didn't mean literally!"

'I don't care how you do it...just make it look like an accident.'

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

"If we could explain it in Hip-hop, officer?. . . It would be like this!"

'Looks like the latest crime figures have been stolen.'

"Alright, I'll talk. Just please, stop with the good-cop, ab-cop routine."

Excessive Paperwork

'Asking for a lawyer was a good move. You can't outsmart the cops by yourself.' (Lawyer is a puppet being operated by policeman).

"What part of ‘secure the crime scene’ don’t you understand?!!"

'Did he say anything before he died?'

'They profiled me just because I'm a bank robber!'

"Better idea! Let's obstruct traffic in the guy's neighborhood and make his morning commute difficult!"

"I'm sorry, sir, but a blade's a blade."

'Can you prove it's your hat?'

Man sees his double in ID parade. Policeman says: 'Please indicate which of these men stole your identity.'

'Have you any idea what speed you were doing, sir?'

Containment Cops

Joke Shop.

"Next time the killer comes on your radio do not say 'COPY THAT'."

'Hi Peter, it's Chris Tarrant here, from 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire?''

'I say, are you fellows going to be long?'

'I robbed the bank because you can't win if you don't play!'

"I'm just going to step into the bank to get some money for dinner."

Serious Crime Squad, Light-Hearted Crime Squad, Happy As Larry Crime Squad.

"I've got a little job for you, Kretchmer. I want you to infiltrate the I.R.S. and sow the seeds of compassion."

"I'm charging you with trying to strike a happy medium."

The Automatic Policeman

"I'll teach you to muscle in on my business- it's a concrete undercoat for you."

'Donut shop is down the hall to your right - and I'm not answering any more questions without my lawyer present.'

'...if you don't stop..er..singing Mr Bieber I'll arrest you for possessing an offensive weapon as well as drunk driving.'

'Just move along...Nothing core to see here.'