Police Comedy Aficionado Pillows

'...if you don't stop..er..singing Mr Bieber I'll arrest you for possessing an offensive weapon as well as drunk driving.'

"If we could explain it in Hip-hop, officer?. . . It would be like this!"

'Looks like the latest crime figures have been stolen.'

'I'm in the not-so-serious crime squad, actually'

"Just put one foot directly in front of the other, sir, and walk in as straight a line as possible."

"Police dramas just aren't what they used to be."

'Have you any idea what speed you were doing, sir?'

Containment Cops

Messing Up My Metrics

"Everyone we know is escaping and you sit there doing nothing."

"Next time the killer comes on your radio do not say 'COPY THAT'."

'Hello, Sir. Are you answering this call on a hands-free mobile?' 'Em...'

'Ah, the old up-phase bipolar cop, down-phase bipolar cop routine, eh?'

Oh, sorry, I didn

"Victor one to control...we want to report a stolen car, Sergent - A white saloon with a little blue flashing light on top..."

Yeah, I do have a suspect.

"See ya, lefty! Sleep with the humans!"

'He had it coming..He said my mother had an arse like the back of a cart horse!'

Okay, knock it off. I'm not falling for the old "good fish, bad fish" routine.

' We have ways of making them talk but how do we make them shut up ?!! '

'Great News - it's not psoriasis . . . it's just an itchy trigger finger.'

Mobster tries to recruit Santa as a hitman.

Police dancing behind line - titled 'Police Line Dancing'.

'I was going to rob the bank next door...but that lovely aroma brought me in here!'

'. . . Now take a left at the next pine tree.'

Martha Stew-Art.

'Good cop - bad cop is enough. We don't need morally ambiguous cop.'

"There you are. I've been looking everywhere for you!"

'Hey. You're back.'

"Have you fixed up the wheels for the bank job tonight, fingers?"

'I'm not a bad driver, they're bad pedestrians.'

"Come on out, Rocco. We know you're in there."

Policemen

Police Warning - Flash photography can seriously damage your driving licence.

"I'll have the good cocktail." "I'll have the bad cocktail."