Crime Satire Aficionado Gifts

"Did any of these guys sell you the acid?"

"I like your new cage!"

'I got 397 dead birds and the mayor breathing down my neck. So, is this our perp or just another copycat?'

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

Petty Aero Larceny - I Stealing a Dinner.

"Do you want to order a contract killing, Don Carlos, or a pay-as-you-go killing?"

"It was passed from my grandfather to my father, from my father to me, and now from me to you. Twenty bucks."

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

"You mean to say, Mr. 'Smiles,' that someone else left the scene wearing size 22 shoes?"

Mafia machine gun case.

"Everyone we know is escaping and you sit there doing nothing."

'First off, your average Paolozzi has far fewer holes than your Moore.'

"Do you know what time they open love?"

An old dog learns a new trick.

'And what do you do?'

Money Launderette

...Mr.Colman is busy right now - he's burning some books.

Okay, knock it off. I'm not falling for the old "good fish, bad fish" routine.

Prison Vacation For Mafiosi

Smelly mugger unfazed by victims CS Gas

Catburglar's anonymous. Sign saying 'door not in use'.

Yeah, I do have a suspect.

'Hello, Sir. Are you answering this call on a hands-free mobile?' 'Em...'

My guys will loot, Bjorn's guys will pillage and your guys will make it all legal.

I've heard of on-line banking, but I think this may be the first ever attempt at an armed, on-line bank robbery!"

Baggage Claim: Anyone Who Knows How To Hot-Wire A Car.

Incriminating Evidence Against the Cat Burglar.

"See ya, lefty! Sleep with the humans!"

'Armed robbery, eh? I'm in for being out of compliance with a Federal guideline

'On the charge of resisting arrest, how does the defendant plead?'

Mobster tries to recruit Santa as a hitman.

'Whoever said 'dressed to kill' hasn't seen your average murderer.'

Martha Stew-Art.

How ghastly! He's holding his knife like a pen!

"He's currently unavailable. Would you care to wait?"