Crime Satire Aficionado Gifts

"Did any of these guys sell you the acid?"

"I like your new cage!"

'I got 397 dead birds and the mayor breathing down my neck. So, is this our perp or just another copycat?'

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

Petty Aero Larceny - I Stealing a Dinner.

"Do you want to order a contract killing, Don Carlos, or a pay-as-you-go killing?"

"It was passed from my grandfather to my father, from my father to me, and now from me to you. Twenty bucks."

'OVERCROWDED-I'll say it's OVERCROWDED!'

"You mean to say, Mr. 'Smiles,' that someone else left the scene wearing size 22 shoes?"

"Do you know what time they open love?"

Mafia machine gun case.

'First off, your average Paolozzi has far fewer holes than your Moore.'

"Everyone we know is escaping and you sit there doing nothing."

An old dog learns a new trick.

Money Launderette

'And what do you do?'

Incriminating Evidence Against the Cat Burglar.

I've heard of on-line banking, but I think this may be the first ever attempt at an armed, on-line bank robbery!"

'Hello, Sir. Are you answering this call on a hands-free mobile?' 'Em...'

Baggage Claim: Anyone Who Knows How To Hot-Wire A Car.

Prison Vacation For Mafiosi

"See ya, lefty! Sleep with the humans!"

...Mr.Colman is busy right now - he's burning some books.

Smelly mugger unfazed by victims CS Gas

Catburglar's anonymous. Sign saying 'door not in use'.

'Armed robbery, eh? I'm in for being out of compliance with a Federal guideline

'On the charge of resisting arrest, how does the defendant plead?'

Mobster tries to recruit Santa as a hitman.

How ghastly! He's holding his knife like a pen!

'. . . Now take a left at the next pine tree.'

'Whoever said 'dressed to kill' hasn't seen your average murderer.'

'I was going to rob the bank next door...but that lovely aroma brought me in here!'

Martha Stew-Art.