Crime Fiction And Satire Enthusiast Gifts

'I have lots of experience. I was a loan shark for a decade.'

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

'I got 397 dead birds and the mayor breathing down my neck. So, is this our perp or just another copycat?'

'I mean, what sort of thief only takes a dog bowl?'

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

"One crime on this island and everyone's a suspect!"

Police Lineup Escape

The Mousetrap, by Agatha Christie

Petty Aero Larceny - I Stealing a Dinner.

Arrest of La Tuta

"Any clues?"

'I won't be able to look up your account right now. Our computers have been impounded by the authorities.'

"There's something very wrong with this picture, detective."

'OK, give him the money but we'll need to hold onto the gun as collateral.'

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.

"Do you want to order a contract killing, Don Carlos, or a pay-as-you-go killing?"

'I'm in for identity theft, I stole it off someone who was wanted for murder.'

'I'm still trying to build up a following here, but I'm huge in Lilliput.'

Edgar Wallace.

"For a masked intruder, you seem to know your way around the house."

"It was passed from my grandfather to my father, from my father to me, and now from me to you. Twenty bucks."

"You mean to say, Mr. 'Smiles,' that someone else left the scene wearing size 22 shoes?"

'I think my husband is trying to bore me to death.'

"We find a murdered ventriloquist dummy and have reason to believe you had a hand in it."

'All your money or the pig sneezes!'

"Everybody freeze! This is a stickup!"

"Do you know what time they open love?"

"Do you accept ill-gotten gains?"

"Everyone we know is escaping and you sit there doing nothing."

'First off, your average Paolozzi has far fewer holes than your Moore.'

Two cosa nostra gangsters sipping tea.

Mafia machine gun case.

Piñata police line-up.