Criminal Satire Fan Gifts

Baggage Claim: Anyone Who Knows How To Hot-Wire A Car.

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

'I got 397 dead birds and the mayor breathing down my neck. So, is this our perp or just another copycat?'

'Welcome! Highly placed, unidentified administration spokespersons convention.'

Antonin Scalia

'That's the lawyer in me trying to get out.'

'Cut out the hearsay and get back to work, Ms. Sims.'

Petty Aero Larceny - I Stealing a Dinner.

"The legal people are terrified of litigation but I insisted that we write an apology to the client of the lack of service. . . as long as we don't sent it!"

'I'd say you have a water-tight case there, boys.'

Snowman about snowman fallen on ice: 'Obviously they would have had time to clear the ice.'

"So Mr. Garvin asked, did we all have an understanding in writing? And I said, maybe we can talk about that."

"Do you want to order a contract killing, Don Carlos, or a pay-as-you-go killing?"

Man behind desk has glass case with Lawyer Repellant

'He's competent in every regard, except to stand trial.'

10K Ambulance Chase

"It was passed from my grandfather to my father, from my father to me, and now from me to you. Twenty bucks."

"Bad news - your DNA was delicious."

"You mean to say, Mr. 'Smiles,' that someone else left the scene wearing size 22 shoes?"

"Got outta jury duty!"

'I've got an injury claim solicitor to advertise on your soles.'

'I think we're in luck. This judge likes 'nut' cases.'

'Objection! That could be anybody's footprint!'

'First off, your average Paolozzi has far fewer holes than your Moore.'

"Don't worry, folks—with me on your side, the truth doesn't stand a chance!"

'May the groom kiss the bride?'

Need to know basis

Mafia machine gun case.

How do you plead on charges of horsing around and playing the goat?

The Supreme Flip Flop!

'I think you should just plead ignorance, it's so. . . credible.'

"In a case like this, a lot depends on which jurisdiction applies. Were you, by any chance, in international waters when you bit him?"

"O.K., so you had to break a few eggs to make an omelette, but now some of those eggs are suing."

'And what do you do?'