Crime Satire Fans Gifts

3 Guys Stealing

Petty thieves.

'Please be patient sir, this gent was here first.'

"What a coincidence. I did my own taxes too."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

"The article says there was a break-in at the museum last night. I don't suppose you know anything about that."

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

'I got 397 dead birds and the mayor breathing down my neck. So, is this our perp or just another copycat?'

'Not much cop are you!'

Petty Aero Larceny - I Stealing a Dinner.

"Embezzlement is now called virtual bank robbery."

'Give Me All The Money In My Account'

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

"Do you want to order a contract killing, Don Carlos, or a pay-as-you-go killing?"

'I'm hoping to get into Crime Sprees.'

"Honestly, guys, my check is in the mail."

'First Lady Lettuce goes missing...'

For the last time, officer, I'm absolutely, positively sure it was number four.

"The weeds - I want 'em whacked."

"It was passed from my grandfather to my father, from my father to me, and now from me to you. Twenty bucks."

Decision on the flip of a coin...

'Okay, I'll give you the money, but this could negatively affect your credit rating.'

"You mean to say, Mr. 'Smiles,' that someone else left the scene wearing size 22 shoes?"

Man sees his double in ID parade. Policeman says: 'Please indicate which of these men stole your identity.'

"Do you recognise the giraffe who hit you?"

"Money or your beard!"

The Codfather.

Messing Up My Metrics

Therapy among thieves

Mafia machine gun case.

New York City, the Bronx, and another successful Vice Squad raid comes to wraps (real vices used for arresting criminals).

Louie 'The Egg' Spignoli, The Hangman's Nightmare

Good Mop, Bad Mop.