Crime Scene Comedic Enthusiast Gifts

We met in a police line-up!

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

'I mean, what sort of thief only takes a dog bowl?'

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

"One crime on this island and everyone's a suspect!"

Police Lineup Escape

"Well, obviously the victim had a French enemy."

'I won't be able to look up your account right now. Our computers have been impounded by the authorities.'

"For a masked intruder, you seem to know your way around the house."

"What part of ‘secure the crime scene’ don’t you understand?!!"

'OK, give him the money but we'll need to hold onto the gun as collateral.'

'I'm in for identity theft, I stole it off someone who was wanted for murder.'

"Do you want to order a contract killing, Don Carlos, or a pay-as-you-go killing?"

"Hmm. . . it looks like he was struck on the head with a blunt object. . . If only I could find out what the murder weapon could be. . ."

"Do you know what time they open love?"

"We find a murdered ventriloquist dummy and have reason to believe you had a hand in it."

'I think my husband is trying to bore me to death.'

Two cosa nostra gangsters sipping tea.

"Everyone we know is escaping and you sit there doing nothing."

"Do you accept ill-gotten gains?"

"One ventriloquist dummy on trial for murder and we believe you had a hand in it."

'All your money or the pig sneezes!'

"Everybody freeze! This is a stickup!"

An old dog learns a new trick.

'I can't believe you gave them your resume instead of the holdup note!'

"If you killed him using a tennis racket, you need a sports lawyer."

'My only witness and alibi for the bank job was the guy I was robbing across in another part of town.'

"Jeff! Have you been sleepwalking again?!"