Comedic Crime Scene Investigator Gifts

'Tonight the remains of Jimmy Hoffa have finally been discovered with what appears to be millions upon millions of unpaired socks.'

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

'No doubt about it Captain. See these markings? This arrow belongs to Robin Hood!'

"Talk, Wallace - where'd you hide the loot?"

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

Next camera crew 5 mins

"We need rain."

"True crime meets reality TV"

'It was part way through the initial investigation that detective Walters felt as if he was being watched, but there was no one in the room. No one that is except the cat, who sat contently on the chair and watched him with an almost human repose.'

'Any ideas on motive?' 'Only one, Chief.'

"The DNA sample from the mink fibres found in the suspect's car matched the DNA sample from the mink coat found at the scene of the crime, so I'm thinking, maybe these minks were twins?"

'Yes, folks, the victim was a bolt. Now, I'm afraid, he's a deadbolt.'

Police outline artist training academy: the intro 101 class.

Cop Shop: Bulk, dried blood, shaved hair, ground teeth, assorted body parts and bone fragments.

CSI Wonderland. (Photographer takes a picture of a cracked Humpty Dumpty. Investigators collect evidence from the scene.)

"According to stomach content analysis he'll be dead in half an hour."

'By the looks of these skid marks, Humpty didn't fall- he was pushed!'

'It's the same EVERY year... 5 minutes to midnight; victims are all male, and they're carrying large sums of money.'

Police man stands guard at a murder scene in Egyptology department of a museum.

Newton's Law and Order.

Bribery and Corruption.

'Looks like the victim was trying to tell us something,'

"... and I would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for you meddling forensic pathologists."

"I couldn't finish that book either."

Turkey Autopsy

CSI: Alaska. "What have we got, Ted?" "Looks like a snowball with a rock in it...I'll know more when I get it back to the lab."

Well, you're busted! Forensics just came back: the bite-marks match your dental records!

'We suspect death by Sunday supplement.'

'I've written a poem describing my feelings on discovering the body, Inspector...'

"I'm home, with all my DNA."

Sewee-Cide.

"Has anyone considered that maybe his dress was a disguise?"

"Ignore him - he hates everyone I haul in for questioning."

"Looks like he's been salted, Sarge.2