Humor Detective Gifts

"Ha! I found you . . . and with my wife!"

"Don't worry, ma'am, he'll have left a trail."

"So, you've got butterflies in your stomach, a bug in your ear and a bee in your bonnet. Any other complaints?"

'He died of too much money.'

Both human and pillow police work together to solve yet another double homicide.

'Look, I'm a millionaire. Now guess why.'

'This is daylight robbery!'

"It says here you're never too old for sex." "At least not the way you do it."

'Okay, a rabbi, a penguin and a lesbian go into a bar...good premise, but then what happens?'

Asbo Land

Smiley face Crime Scene

'Fred,you've got to do something about those hiccups.'

'Don't EVER complain to me again about not having enough closet space!'

"Well, obviously the victim had a French enemy."

A boy acting suspiciously

"Some idiot spread the rumour that the boss had called in sick! Now look what's happened to the tobacco and coffee stocks!"

Safety Barriers

Cop Shop: Bulk, dried blood, shaved hair, ground teeth, assorted body parts and bone fragments.

'I heard it through the grapevine.'

'Fancy coming on a man hunt?'

Melted Snow Man behind police cordon

'You're an inspector now?'

'You're free to go. Another suspect matching the description of having big ears and a trunk has just been arrested for the circus stampede.'

'A WOMAN? -- Well, I'll be damned!'

The Banana Crime

"Do you recognise the giraffe who hit you?"

'Did you see who pushed you?'

'I've dealt with it - he's sitting on the naughty step thinking about his behaviour.'

'Just move along...Nothing core to see here.'

I overheard management saying they were kicking you but I didn't hear if it was upstairs or out.

'What's this rumor I hear, that they're putting saltpeter in Meals-On-Wheels!'

Golf Crime Scene.

The Fifth Annual Crow Convention - "If you ask me, I reckon it looks like a murder!"

'Is it true what they say'

"Good evening madam. Would you like to donate your soul to a newly registered charity?"