Detective Humor Gifts

12 Days Without a Botched Case

Why Lemmings Rarely Make Detectives

A boy acting suspiciously

Safety Barriers

Cop Shop: Bulk, dried blood, shaved hair, ground teeth, assorted body parts and bone fragments.

"Well, obviously the victim had a French enemy."

Melted Snow Man behind police cordon

'A WOMAN? -- Well, I'll be damned!'

Yes, you are speaking to Grandma.

'You're an inspector now?'

'Pull it over, Speedy.'

Stun-gun target practice.

"Do you know what time they open love?"

'Did you see who pushed you?'

"Do you recognise the giraffe who hit you?"

'He died of too much money.'

"So, you've got butterflies in your stomach, a bug in your ear and a bee in your bonnet. Any other complaints?"

'Just move along...Nothing core to see here.'

'I've dealt with it - he's sitting on the naughty step thinking about his behaviour.'

Catburglar's anonymous. Sign saying 'door not in use'.

...Mr.Colman is busy right now - he's burning some books.

"Victor one to control...we want to report a stolen car, Sergent - A white saloon with a little blue flashing light on top..."

I've heard of on-line banking, but I think this may be the first ever attempt at an armed, on-line bank robbery!"

Golf Crime Scene.

"Ha! I found you . . . and with my wife!"

'Number three. Definitely number three.'

"Good evening madam. Would you like to donate your soul to a newly registered charity?"

"And this time, Figgis, try to play it as if you are not using 'forged notes'."

Criminal Profiling ID Parade

'No thanks, I don't except suites from neighbours.'

"I'm still not sure which one of them took my wallet. Maybe if they took off their shirts again."

'That's the most beautiful alibi I've ever heard!'

'Fred,you've got to do something about those hiccups.'