Crime Humor Gifts

"Don't worry. You're insured, aren't you?"

'No thanks, I don't except suites from neighbours.'

Harry 'Halitosis' Thribbs - do not approach this man.

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

"My pawprints? Nah, I wore gloves. They matched my noseprints on the window."

'I mean, what sort of thief only takes a dog bowl?'

"Wear a wire? Oh, no, all of our police informants have gone wireless."

"One crime on this island and everyone's a suspect!"

Police Lineup Escape

'Either it's a mistake, or this town's gone soft on crime.'

The Mafia Goes Green.

'I won't be able to look up your account right now. Our computers have been impounded by the authorities.'

'OK, give him the money but we'll need to hold onto the gun as collateral.'

The Mafia isn't what it used to be...

'I'm in for identity theft, I stole it off someone who was wanted for murder.'

"Honestly, guys, my check is in the mail."

"I want to report a race crime.'

"Remember, we're an enlightened group. We victimize everyone. No hate crimes for us."

"I'm investigating the theft of a breadcrumb by an ant matching your description."

"For a masked intruder, you seem to know your way around the house."

'I'm always broke because I keep getting MUGGED!'

"He went that-a-way." (snail escapes).

"We find a murdered ventriloquist dummy and have reason to believe you had a hand in it."

"Do you know what time they open love?"

'Let this guy go. He's working under cover.'

Two cosa nostra gangsters sipping tea.

'I think my husband is trying to bore me to death.'

"Do you accept ill-gotten gains?"

'Hello, Mum!'

'All your money or the pig sneezes!'

"Everybody freeze! This is a stickup!"

'I can't believe you gave them your resume instead of the holdup note!'

"If you killed him using a tennis racket, you need a sports lawyer."