Humor Explorer Gifts

A man sits on a desert island made from the top of a carrot; the island is being circled by rabbits whose ears stick out of the water.

"We don't like the same marriage counselor gags anymore."

'I gave the Captain a thousand bucks to strand us on an uninhabited island with nothing but a musket.'

"Tomorrow we're getting you a paper round. I want you to learn the value of being chauffeured around early."

"I believe he calls it 'walking erect'."

What happens if you cross a Jehovah's Witness with a Unitarian?

'It's bad enough that the stupid cruise ship didn't pick us up...'

STRIP "Looks like the escalators on the blink again"

'Wouldn't it be great if after three violations they took away your marriage license?'

',,,I want you to know that no matter what, you'll always be my son,,,'

Iran bars two UN nuclear inspectors for 'untruthful reporting'

'What a beautiful landscape!'

'I suggest we try somewhere else.'

"You'll have to be more specific, Ma'am - They're all no-good, worthless, drunken bums!''

"97. . .98. . . 99. . . 100! Here I come ready or not!"

"Oh, look - a Halloweiner dog!"

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

'Whup - giant anaconda about to attack - quick Peg, hand me something to take care of it with.'

I don't think we can survive here. There's little chance we can afford the taxes.

" ... and if we finish pillaging early enough, we can still catch the evening Zumba class on the after deck."

Goldylocks and the Three Beers.

A bill poster pasting up a wanted poster of himself.

Surreal scene depicting a dry cleaner shop interior, with pant zipper flies stuck to a fly strip.

"Well, I finally found God. ... God is really good at Trivial Pursuit."

'Time ou! ... Flea!'

"I just attained enlightenment! - Gimme a high-five!"

"Is there anything else I can do wrong for you?"

Ace Doughnut Co.

The fact he was a neutered housecat never stood in the way of Mr. Whiskers' dream.

'Have you done any stand-up?'

"Oh, sure, Mr. Nice Guy robot, bringing in the pastries...we get fat and you just sit there, charging your batteries!"

'He arrested two kids yesterday. One for drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. He charged one and let the other off!'

Open Mic Nacht

'He decided to celebrate meeting his QOF targets by doing a cartwheel...wrecked his knee and has to wait 26 weeks to see a consultant.'

Woman in a card shop sees an 'Out Of Section' - Patience, Of Work, Nowhere, Your Mind.