Hubby Humorist Gifts

"Of course it's no trouble. George will put the ketltle on."

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

'So what are you studying, young man?'

No Soliciting

'She'll never look for me here.'

"Funny. My girlfriend said the same thing."

Replacement Bus Spotters.

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Fishing - No. IX

Yard Sale

'What about you...you've been living here thirty years too?'

Man fishing in goldfish bowl - "Its always been the same with you Norman.. No ambition."

'Nothing like being your own boss, huh?'

"Just the slippers is fine!"

"I'd hold off on the peking duck another five minutes...the show's almost over."

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

I haven't been down there since last Valentine's day. I want to check on a couple who asked me to rekindle their romance. A year ago I told them that thanks to me they'd be spending more time together and less time at their offices. I said I'd make it so they'd have lots of nights at home ordering some take-out and watching a movie. They must be very happy with me. All I did was shoot an arrow of love, but apparently they think I caused some sort of pandemic to happen!

"There goes our early night."

On Champagne: 'Nobody knows the bubbles I've seen.'

It's from the homeowners association --- They want me to stop leaving my worries on the doorstep.

"You're back. Hold on … just give me a minute."

"I wanted to deliver a message of hope and tolerance in a complex global society but I decided to update them on the Kardashians instead."

"This lockdown is GREAT! - We can spend all day on our computers, eating takeaway junk food and watching crap TV while gambling on our iphones!"

"Darling! We've become armchair socialites."

"5...4...3...2..."

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

"Professor Van Winkle, the university has instituted Reevaluation of Tenure, time to wake up."

'Doctor, did you say 5 minutes of traction, or 5 hours?'

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

'Today's entrees are the Breast with Thyme, and the Wurst with Thyme.'

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

"That's it sorted then - this year we'll spend a fortnight in the spare bedroom."

"Jim was a model Dad".

"My great-uncle Octavio always wore his hat in the house. That way, if bad company knocked on the door, he could say he was just leaving."