Hubby Humorist Pillows

"Of course it's no trouble. George will put the ketltle on."

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

No Soliciting

'So what are you studying, young man?'

'She'll never look for me here.'

"Funny. My girlfriend said the same thing."

Replacement Bus Spotters.

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

Finally I understand why it's called 'Higher Education!'

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Fishing - No. IX

Yard Sale

'What about you...you've been living here thirty years too?'

'Nothing like being your own boss, huh?'

Man fishing in goldfish bowl - "Its always been the same with you Norman.. No ambition."

"I'd hold off on the peking duck another five minutes...the show's almost over."

"Just the slippers is fine!"

"There goes our early night."

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

On Champagne: 'Nobody knows the bubbles I've seen.'

"You're back. Hold on … just give me a minute."

"Darling! We've become armchair socialites."

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

"5...4...3...2..."

"Professor Van Winkle, the university has instituted Reevaluation of Tenure, time to wake up."

'Today's entrees are the Breast with Thyme, and the Wurst with Thyme.'

'Doctor, did you say 5 minutes of traction, or 5 hours?'

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

"Jim was a model Dad".

"I #*#*#* hate gardening, I'd much rather be at work!!"

"My great-uncle Octavio always wore his hat in the house. That way, if bad company knocked on the door, he could say he was just leaving."