Hobo Humorist Gifts

Crusty Bread

Sympathetic nursing will work wonders

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

Cat Heaven vs Mouse Hell.

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

For speedy operation and ease of control get a pony.

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

Emergency Hipster Beard

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"What other tricks does he need?"

Replacement Bus Spotters.

"That's the preacher's dog."

Normal Beard vs. Hipster Beard

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Fishing - No. IX

'I thought my appointment was for a TB screening.'

'Stamp collecting has gotten more competitive.'

'Where's my horse?'

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

Gangsta wrap.

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

White Flight. Beautification. Gentrification. Plain Old Rich.

Hipster Police Department

'I know you like your stallions tall Mary, but a clydesdale?'

"Give me something that shows I'm hip AND fiscally responsible."

"You know what they say: if you're tired of London, you're tired of organic soy latte and pop-up vegan yoga festivals..."

Inappropriate horse whispering.

"I think you're beard needs a trim..."

Never clip him yourself unless you are an expert.

Lawyers Ridin' The Range: 'Happy trials to you, until we meet again!'

"Do you think those clams we ate were a little off?"

"I'd love to help but at the moment I'm saddled with this enormous mortgage."

'My boss collects stupid hats, Is yours for sale?'