Hmo Humorist Gifts

'I thought my appointment was for a TB screening.'

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

Apples for sale

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

Lactose Intolerant

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"The first one's just a warning."

"I'm afraid you could go at any time."

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

Vlad the Impala

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

PSA Banter.

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

"There's only one 'L' in colosseum."

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

Cardiac Recovery.

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

Mount Olympus Brewery. Those might be dangerous to open. They're Pandora's Bocks.

"No. I can't 'let it out a bit'. It's armour, you'll just have to go on a diet!"

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

'We might make more progress if we try working as a team.'

Providing Healthcare For All