Hippo Humorist Gifts

Laugh all you want -- I get great mileage!

'Face it, Fred -- hippos just aren't cut out for break dancing.'

Palms. When fully grown that species will provide some nice shade in your your yard. Fronds with benefits.

"The Eggsorcist"

Emergency Hipster Beard

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

Normal Beard vs. Hipster Beard

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

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The mysterious ancient stone figures of Keister Island.

Gangsta wrap.

"Give me something that shows I'm hip AND fiscally responsible."

"Is this Haiku poopery?"

"I think you're beard needs a trim..."

Hipster Police Department

Cover story: Plant World.

"You know what they say: if you're tired of London, you're tired of organic soy latte and pop-up vegan yoga festivals..."

Technical Terms Explained: Suckers.

White Flight. Beautification. Gentrification. Plain Old Rich.

"So, Owen tells me you guys met in art school."

"No, we don't have field to plate provenance for each bean."

Artist uses connect-the-dots canvas to paint nude model.

"It's not my fault - how was I to know you'd look scary with your clothes off?"

Nude conductor of Orchestra conducting 'The full Monte-verdi'

'I was tired of my goaty, so I decided to grow a moustache...'

"Do you think those clams we ate were a little off?"

"Wow yes, it's a lovely garden, but I can only see flowers: not a carrot in sight..."

'You got much on at the moment?'; 'No, nothing really.' (Naked man)

"We can do this the easy way, or we can do this the hard way."

"Gracie, you're a good mud artist."

"... And that's an 18-pound piece of tofu I shot at Whole Foods."

'You can come back in, King Kong. The superintendent got the door open.'

"You know, crime doesn't pay... at least at your level."