Hipster Humorist Gifts

"Oh, it's the best thing since small-batch, artisanal, unsliced bread."

"Be prepared to encounter cultural references that we're just not going to get."

Gangsta wrap.

'Waiter! There's a hipster beard in my chicken and quinoa soup.'

"I think you're beard needs a trim..."

"BEARD FOR HIRE! Good Rates!"

'I wear a fanny pack so I don't look stupid cramming my pockets full of stuff.'

Maud got a belly button stud.

Normal Beard vs. Hipster Beard

"Nice reading glasses."

"Oh God, beards are so passe."

Forget about hunting the antelopes at the waterhole Dad: they hang out at the coffee shop now...

"Four dollars for a cup of coffee?! What silly person would spend money like that? Que crazy!"

"Is it artisan..?"

"Your martini, sir, with iceberg lettuce."

Emergency Hipster Beard

"No tattoos? What a weirdo!"

Shabby Chic and Shabby Sh*te Shops

"Vinyl records? Actually, wax cylinders are where it's at now."

"You know what they say: if you're tired of London, you're tired of organic soy latte and pop-up vegan yoga festivals..."

"It's nothing new. We've always offered a complimentary beard wash following an order of ribs."

"In my dreams I still eat gluten..."

"What sort of bird are you?"

"The tricky part comes when I try it without the training wheels."

"A spectre is haunting Europe, the spectre of hipsterism."

"Dilly Wily!"

"Joe 4-Pack"

"Sorry, but it's store policy to remove man buns by any means necessary."

"We grow all our own bad-tasting ugly things."

Extra Virgin Olive Oil, Balsamic Vinegar, Veal Stock

"There's nothing like ballpark sushi."

"I was addicted to porn before there was an internet."

"Spare anything to help me get a macchiato?"

"... And that's an 18-pound piece of tofu I shot at Whole Foods."

"Honey wake up, the avocados are ripe!"