Hipster Humorist Pillows

"Oh, it's the best thing since small-batch, artisanal, unsliced bread."

"Be prepared to encounter cultural references that we're just not going to get."

Gangsta wrap.

"I think you're beard needs a trim..."

"BEARD FOR HIRE! Good Rates!"

'I wear a fanny pack so I don't look stupid cramming my pockets full of stuff.'

Maud got a belly button stud.

"Nice reading glasses."

Forget about hunting the antelopes at the waterhole Dad: they hang out at the coffee shop now...

"Four dollars for a cup of coffee?! What silly person would spend money like that? Que crazy!"

"Is it artisan..?"

"Your martini, sir, with iceberg lettuce."

Emergency Hipster Beard

"No tattoos? What a weirdo!"

Shabby Chic and Shabby Sh*te Shops

"Vinyl records? Actually, wax cylinders are where it's at now."

"You know what they say: if you're tired of London, you're tired of organic soy latte and pop-up vegan yoga festivals..."

"It's nothing new. We've always offered a complimentary beard wash following an order of ribs."

"In my dreams I still eat gluten..."

"What sort of bird are you?"

"The tricky part comes when I try it without the training wheels."

"A spectre is haunting Europe, the spectre of hipsterism."

"Joe 4-Pack"

"Sorry, but it's store policy to remove man buns by any means necessary."

"We grow all our own bad-tasting ugly things."

Extra Virgin Olive Oil, Balsamic Vinegar, Veal Stock

"There's nothing like ballpark sushi."

"I was addicted to porn before there was an internet."

"Spare anything to help me get a macchiato?"

"... And that's an 18-pound piece of tofu I shot at Whole Foods."

"Honey wake up, the avocados are ripe!"

"Tonight we attempt to explain the differences between the cappuccino, the cafe latte and the macchiato."

Art is Anal

"And though he was but one, young Zach could fearlessly cancel with the strength of many."

Mane bun