Hipster Humor Appreciator Pillows

"Believe me, nobody's going to care you had facial hair a hundred million years from today."

"Can I get this to go in an organic, locally recycled, eco-friendly doggie bag?"

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

Emergency Hipster Beard

"You don't know me well enough to not care how I look."

"She'll have a semi-wizened, double ristretto with a dot of quail's milk - and please recite a poem while you make it."

"I feel like we've walked into some sort of epidemic of hipatitus."

"Pizza sounds wonderful. Italian, Greek or Hipster?"

Craft Donuts vs. Craft Beer

"Yuppies! There goes the hood!"

My parents ate New York and all I got was this stupid t-shirt

'I'm not sure which I like best - the fake fire or the fake man with brandy glass in front of it.'

God with Earth Controller

"Your animal companionship is here!"

"Overkill, dude."

Cheesie Rider

"I'm a monster."

'Wilson, this company needs to be better in touch with today's youth. Pierce your nipples and have a report on my desk by Monday.'

'I'm just curious, which one of you was dropped off by their boyfriend on a really fast motorcycle?'

Mummy Shrink.

"If find people express themslves more freely in traffic jams."

"Oh, I don't do the test myself Sir: Doctor Vampire does it..."

"Brooklyn is the Manhattan of the other boroughs."

Gangsta wrap.

"Curiosity."

Hipster Police Department

"No, we don't have field to plate provenance for each bean."

"Give me something that shows I'm hip AND fiscally responsible."

"I've got something in what used to be a decrepit, run-down, unfashionable area."

"You know what they say: if you're tired of London, you're tired of organic soy latte and pop-up vegan yoga festivals..."

Unlike modern day hipsters, pre-historic hipsters didn't need to rely on yoga, hiking or even rock climbing to stay fit...

"I think you're beard needs a trim..."