Hipster Satire Pillows

"Our view is if it isn't made in a factory, it's organic."

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

"She'll have a semi-wizened, double ristretto with a dot of quail's milk - and please recite a poem while you make it."

Emergency Hipster Beard

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

"I feel like we've walked into some sort of epidemic of hipatitus."

"I only like their bad albums – the good ones are too commercial."

Old rocker.

"Yuppies! There goes the hood!"

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

Craft Donuts vs. Craft Beer

Spontaneous Kombucha

"Can I get this to go in an organic, locally recycled, eco-friendly doggie bag?"

Your Guide to Winning Movember

The Organic

Peak Beard/High Peak Beard

Meticulously prepared, locally sourced food served on artifacts of a romanticized industrial past, by people who take their fashion cues from daguerreotypes, to adults whose parents still pay their rent.

'Wilson, this company needs to be better in touch with today's youth. Pierce your nipples and have a report on my desk by Monday.'

'It's just full of dirty laundry but it makes me feel much more hip.'

"Communion at the contemporary service is scones and coffee."

"Yo, how's it swinging?"

"Thousands of craft beers and I still haven't found one with a smooth, kibble finish."

Gangsta wrap.

"You know what they say: if you're tired of London, you're tired of organic soy latte and pop-up vegan yoga festivals..."

'Dude, ya hat's on backwards.'

"I'd like a fat-free, gluten-free, MSG-free, mini, super-skinny, artisan latte please..."

"No, we don't have field to plate provenance for each bean."

"Wow, yours is already climbing your beard!"

Hipster Police Department

"I think you're beard needs a trim..."

A train's dining car is a diner.

"Give me something that shows I'm hip AND fiscally responsible."