Hipster Satire Gifts

"Our view is if it isn't made in a factory, it's organic."

You want me to be a what? A hipster. My research shows caf

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

Joined at the hipster.

Emergency Hipster Beard

"She'll have a semi-wizened, double ristretto with a dot of quail's milk - and please recite a poem while you make it."

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

"I only like their bad albums – the good ones are too commercial."

"I feel like we've walked into some sort of epidemic of hipatitus."

Old rocker.

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

"Yuppies! There goes the hood!"

Craft Donuts vs. Craft Beer

Spontaneous Kombucha

"Can I get this to go in an organic, locally recycled, eco-friendly doggie bag?"

Normal Beard vs. Hipster Beard

Your Guide to Winning Movember

Meticulously prepared, locally sourced food served on artifacts of a romanticized industrial past, by people who take their fashion cues from daguerreotypes, to adults whose parents still pay their rent.

Peak Beard/High Peak Beard

The Organic

'Wilson, this company needs to be better in touch with today's youth. Pierce your nipples and have a report on my desk by Monday.'

'It's just full of dirty laundry but it makes me feel much more hip.'

"Communion at the contemporary service is scones and coffee."

"Thousands of craft beers and I still haven't found one with a smooth, kibble finish."

"Yo, how's it swinging?"

Gangsta wrap.

"Give me something that shows I'm hip AND fiscally responsible."

'Dude, ya hat's on backwards.'

"I'd like a fat-free, gluten-free, MSG-free, mini, super-skinny, artisan latte please..."

White Flight. Beautification. Gentrification. Plain Old Rich.

"No, we don't have field to plate provenance for each bean."

Hipster Police Department

A train's dining car is a diner.

"Wow, yours is already climbing your beard!"

"No this is timeless classic menswear appreciation. Hipster beatnik is Tuesday nights."