Hipster Humorists Gifts

"Not moonshine - small batch, artisanal grain alcohol."

"Not you, too, Larry. Pumpkin-flavored?"

"No, we don't have field to plate provenance for each bean."

Football Chameleon

A man sees Zeus throwing lightning bolts on the balcony of his apartment.

Emergency Hipster Beard

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

"Can I get this to go in an organic, locally recycled, eco-friendly doggie bag?"

Government survey into the effects of haggis throwing in Ethiopia.

Gangsta wrap.

"I think you're beard needs a trim..."

Hipster Police Department

Cover story: Plant World.

"Give me something that shows I'm hip AND fiscally responsible."

"You know what they say: if you're tired of London, you're tired of organic soy latte and pop-up vegan yoga festivals..."

Technical Terms Explained: Suckers.

'I was tired of my goaty, so I decided to grow a moustache...'

Murphy bed...Murphy.

"Do you think those clams we ate were a little off?"

"We can do this the easy way, or we can do this the hard way."

"You know, crime doesn't pay... at least at your level."

'You can come back in, King Kong. The superintendent got the door open.'

'My 434 novels are very similar to Terry Pratchetts apart from the fact that they've never been published.'

"... And that's an 18-pound piece of tofu I shot at Whole Foods."

'You got much on at the moment?'; 'No, nothing really.' (Naked man)

"Wow yes, it's a lovely garden, but I can only see flowers: not a carrot in sight..."

Sheepdog

"It's nothing new. We've always offered a complimentary beard wash following an order of ribs."

"BEARD FOR HIRE! Good Rates!"

"Aren't those dead flowers fake?"

"A spectre is haunting Europe, the spectre of hipsterism."

"Sorry, but it's store policy to remove man buns by any means necessary."

Giraffe painter.