Hipster Humor Gifts

Small-Batch Banking

"Here we are now, these are hash browns."

"A hipster beard AND a top-knot! - no wonder you've been sent here...!"

"See, honey? No hipsters under your bed."

"Lose the man bun and shave your head."

"I THINK he said that he'll be glad when this fashion for bushy beards will be over!"

A dentist needs to sheer his patient's beard to get to his mouth.

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

"I feel like we've walked into some sort of epidemic of hipatitus."

"She'll have a semi-wizened, double ristretto with a dot of quail's milk - and please recite a poem while you make it."

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

Emergency Hipster Beard

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

Craft Donuts vs. Craft Beer

"Yuppies! There goes the hood!"

"Can I get this to go in an organic, locally recycled, eco-friendly doggie bag?"

Your Guide to Winning Movember

Spontaneous Kombucha

The Organic

Peak Beard/High Peak Beard

Meticulously prepared, locally sourced food served on artifacts of a romanticized industrial past, by people who take their fashion cues from daguerreotypes, to adults whose parents still pay their rent.

'Wilson, this company needs to be better in touch with today's youth. Pierce your nipples and have a report on my desk by Monday.'

'It's just full of dirty laundry but it makes me feel much more hip.'

"As your new CEO, I hereby change 'deadline' to 'soft squiggle.'"

"Thousands of craft beers and I still haven't found one with a smooth, kibble finish."

"Yo, how's it swinging?"

Gangsta wrap.

"I think you're beard needs a trim..."

"I love blue Martinis. It's like the fifties and the nineties all mixed up together."

"There you go bra. Double flat white and homage to Rothko's Seagram series."

"No this is timeless classic menswear appreciation. Hipster beatnik is Tuesday nights."

"I'd like a fat-free, gluten-free, MSG-free, mini, super-skinny, artisan latte please..."

Hipster Police Department

"No, we don't have field to plate provenance for each bean."

What your guitar says about you.