Housing Market Jester Gifts

Estate Agent showing client his parents' house - '...and here's one from our affordable homes range'

'I hope buying this house won't sink us.'

At first I thought it was just coincidence, but then I realized it corresponded directly to your shift.

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Building Site - Life Jackets must be worn.

"Its been on the market for over two years. The estate agent reckons it's something to do with negative edibility!"

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

'. . .actually I'm not a real Guru, I was forced up here originally by the property prices.'

'He's a blight on the whole neighbourhood.'

'Gee! You must have lost some on this property!'

An exaggeration of estate agents

TV show is called Repossesion Repossession. Man says: 'I see the property shows are reacting to the economic downturn.'

'We did have one property in your price range, but I'm afraid we sold it in 1943.'

'We do have a property in your price range, but we need a time machine to go back and visit it!'

"Local authorities are always whining on about the cost of 'affordable' housing..."

'The only means of access was via the previous tenant's hair. But not to worry, there's a ladder 'round the back.'

House hunting is cruel.

"To be honest, I'd be stupid not to take advantage of the market."

'Oh no! We're in negative equity.'

"And then the three bears were slowly forced out of the neighborhood due to major corporations cornering the market—The once cozy cottage is now an Air B&B." "The end."

"I've downsized."

'Forget my mortgage application, fill this bag with money. I've decided to make a cash offer!'

'It seems good, and he said the bit at the bottom is the name of the architect.'

"The bank rejected my application for a 2nd mortgage. They said they didn't have 1 in my size."

'Look at my new overdraft its fantastic.'

Updated Classic: Bleak House Sales

'I'm not the sitting tenant, I'm your husband.'

"For sale £470,000 house included"

'We could easily share this nest: You would use it during the day and I would use it at night...'

"The only thing we seem to have in your price range is a bird box in Billericay."

'We can't decide between raising kids and raising a mortgage deposit.'

'Lower the price by ?30k!' 'He's trying to kick-start the housing market.'

'Yes, there is a bidding war - but I'm almost certain you aren't allowed to take prisoners.'