Housing Market Cynic Gifts

"It's the artist's impression of our proposed new housing development."

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

Building Site - Life Jackets must be worn.

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

'. . .actually I'm not a real Guru, I was forced up here originally by the property prices.'

Estate Agent showing client his parents' house - '...and here's one from our affordable homes range'

I'm buying a house. You're broke. So? the interest rate plans are amazing. The banks are giving money away. Besides, the housing market is going nuts. If I buy today, I can sell next year for a huge profit. I suddenly feel faint. You look ill, Mr. Powell.

An exaggeration of estate agents

'Gee! You must have lost some on this property!'

'We do have a property in your price range, but we need a time machine to go back and visit it!'

'The only means of access was via the previous tenant's hair. But not to worry, there's a ladder 'round the back.'

"Local authorities are always whining on about the cost of 'affordable' housing..."

"And then the three bears were slowly forced out of the neighborhood due to major corporations cornering the market—The once cozy cottage is now an Air B&B." "The end."

"This town ain't big enough for the both of us and, even if it was, I doubt either of us could afford to buy a place here given the current sellers' market."

"I've downsized."

'Forget my mortgage application, fill this bag with money. I've decided to make a cash offer!'

'It seems good, and he said the bit at the bottom is the name of the architect.'

"The bank rejected my application for a 2nd mortgage. They said they didn't have 1 in my size."

"The only thing we seem to have in your price range is a bird box in Billericay."

'We can't decide between raising kids and raising a mortgage deposit.'

'Lower the price by ?30k!' 'He's trying to kick-start the housing market.'

"I remember when you used to see 3 or 4 of these a week!"

'One might say the market's gone from the sub-prime to the iniquitous!'

It's a nice apartment but I don't want to pay my share of the national debt for rent.

Affordable housing

"It sucks being reincarnated as a snail, but at least I've finally achieved home ownership."

Battery Farm Housing

'We finally got a response to our House For Sale sign. The wind blew it down.'

Freddy Mac and Fannie Mae.

'Inflation allows you to live in a more expensive neighbourhood without even moving.'

Home seller has given up after reducing price many times.

'That's the Government for you every time.'

'Hi, this is Wilbur Gurkenman, your real estate agent! I've found a single room apartment I think you can afford...'

'Could you show me something in my price range.'