Housing Market Pundit Gifts

'They've rejected a number of offers. I guess they're in no hurry to sell.'

'You'd never believe what my gaffe is worth...'

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

Building Site - Life Jackets must be worn.

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

'. . .actually I'm not a real Guru, I was forced up here originally by the property prices.'

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

'Honey, it's the escrow people. They want to know if you could send a stool sample.'

'Gee! You must have lost some on this property!'

An exaggeration of estate agents

'He's a blight on the whole neighbourhood.'

'We do have a property in your price range, but we need a time machine to go back and visit it!'

'The only means of access was via the previous tenant's hair. But not to worry, there's a ladder 'round the back.'

"Local authorities are always whining on about the cost of 'affordable' housing..."

"And then the three bears were slowly forced out of the neighborhood due to major corporations cornering the market—The once cozy cottage is now an Air B&B." "The end."

"I've downsized."

House hunting is cruel.

'Forget my mortgage application, fill this bag with money. I've decided to make a cash offer!'

"I told you we should have sold last winter."

'It seems good, and he said the bit at the bottom is the name of the architect.'

'I think you'll all rest easy knowing this is a gated community!'

"The bank rejected my application for a 2nd mortgage. They said they didn't have 1 in my size."

"The only thing we seem to have in your price range is a bird box in Billericay."

'Lower the price by ?30k!' 'He's trying to kick-start the housing market.'

'We can't decide between raising kids and raising a mortgage deposit.'

'We could easily share this nest: You would use it during the day and I would use it at night...'

"For sale £470,000 house included"

'Yes, there is a bidding war - but I'm almost certain you aren't allowed to take prisoners.'

"I remember when you used to see 3 or 4 of these a week!"

'Thank God I don't live in a Jimmy Choo!'

'My expedition confirmed what we already suspected: Two-thirds of the Earth's surface is covered by water, and the rest by real estate!'

"It's a bit of a fixer-upper."

'One might say the market's gone from the sub-prime to the iniquitous!'

"It sucks being reincarnated as a snail, but at least I've finally achieved home ownership."