Property Price Pundit Gifts

Sign reads - For Sale Still Under A Million.

'Of course, the base price doesn't include the many upgrades available.'

'A hundred thousand would not buy this house.' 'I don't blame them.'

"I'm afraid your budget won't stretch to four bedrooms and a garden, would you consider one bedroom with a shared bathroom and access to a communal alley?"

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

Of course, the rent on the fourth floor is considerably higher.

Lemonade - $500 A Glass! 'Yes, my prices high, but how else am I supposed to buy a Boulevart M109R? Certainly not on my allowance.'

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

'Honey, it's the escrow people. They want to know if you could send a stool sample.'

"You're unlikely to find anyplace on the market that is truly impregnable."

'Gee! You must have lost some on this property!'

House hunting is cruel.

"And then the three bears were slowly forced out of the neighborhood due to major corporations cornering the market—The once cozy cottage is now an Air B&B." "The end."

"I told you we should have sold last winter."

Shoe house.

'I think you'll all rest easy knowing this is a gated community!'

Bert launches his plan to increase property values: Annoyance Free Zone - No politicians, media, pundits, or mimes beyond this point.

Gas Price Reads: Way Too Much.

'Thank God I don't live in a Jimmy Choo!'

'One might say the market's gone from the sub-prime to the iniquitous!'

'My expedition confirmed what we already suspected: Two-thirds of the Earth's surface is covered by water, and the rest by real estate!'

"It's a bit of a fixer-upper."

'Look, they're slowing down.'

Affordable housing

"I've just been gazumped!"

Real Estate Crispy Flakes: Location/Location/ Location

'Of course I'll charge you 8,- for an empty glass of scotch. Never heard of bear sales, sir?'

Real Estate Life

"When you pay the rent for your one-room studio, you mustn't think about what you can get for that amount back in Iowa."

"We're sitting on a landbank that could accommodate tens of thousands of new homes. We can wait a few years and generate even more profit..."

'We finally got a response to our House For Sale sign. The wind blew it down.'

"Those days of being able to sell any old c**p have long gone!"

'I came up here because the meaning of life is location, location, location.'