Houseplant Humorist Gifts

"Oh Colin, I do wish you wouldn't upset the Venus fly trap"

Water the hydrangeas twice a week and trim as needed. The bromeliad only needs to be high-fives on Saturday, but you can give it high and low fives anytime you have a spare moment. Just, whatever you do, don't give it a "too slow" or it will turn inward and begin shutting down.

"The Ficus Benjamina keeps asking where you are, and I'm tired of lying."

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

Excellent crop! What's your secret?

"When will somebody cut the grass?"

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

Flamingo on a bird table feeding from a shrimp container.

"What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!"

'These spare Christmas decorations make perfect bird scarers.'

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

"Weeds are like kids. They grow up so fast."

'Um. . . I don't think that's a candy bar.'

"The vegetables have gone bad!"

Little Farm Shop of Horrors with G.M produce turned into man eating plant

Annual flower having a mid-life crisis in July

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

Bird baths with two different kinds of water - sparkling and still.

The beautiful but deadly 'Venus dog trap'.

Executive grows martinis in his garden.

Bird feeder being used by vultures.

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

"Must've planted those seeds upside down..."

'The fire seems to be drawing well.'

'It's only a slug Norman.'

'The grass is always greener on the other side seed'.

A flower beats up another flower - Genetically Engineered plants tend to be more aggressive than naturally grown ones.

'Goodnight honey... did you remember to unplug the baby?'

'Be sure to bring home your divots so you can patch the bare spots in our lawn.'

God builds the first lawn mower.

"When is it time to stop smelling the roses and suck up the nectar?"

'Everybody's entitled to have a hobby. Mine's growing grass.'

"Where are the perineums?" "Aisle 3. Between the vaginas and the rectums."