Houseplant Humorist Gifts

"Oh Colin, I do wish you wouldn't upset the Venus fly trap"

Water the hydrangeas twice a week and trim as needed. The bromeliad only needs to be high-fives on Saturday, but you can give it high and low fives anytime you have a spare moment. Just, whatever you do, don't give it a "too slow" or it will turn inward and begin shutting down.

"The Ficus Benjamina keeps asking where you are, and I'm tired of lying."

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

Excellent crop! What's your secret?

"When will somebody cut the grass?"

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

Flamingo on a bird table feeding from a shrimp container.

'I'm not going to remind you again, Harold. Now, go get the garbage and bring it in here.'

"What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!"

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

'These spare Christmas decorations make perfect bird scarers.'

"The vegetables have gone bad!"

'Um. . . I don't think that's a candy bar.'

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

"Weeds are like kids. They grow up so fast."

Little Farm Shop of Horrors with G.M produce turned into man eating plant

Annual flower having a mid-life crisis in July

The beautiful but deadly 'Venus dog trap'.

Executive grows martinis in his garden.

Bird baths with two different kinds of water - sparkling and still.

Bird feeder being used by vultures.

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

"Must've planted those seeds upside down..."

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

'The fire seems to be drawing well.'

'The grass is always greener on the other side seed'.

'It's only a slug Norman.'

"When is it time to stop smelling the roses and suck up the nectar?"

'Everybody's entitled to have a hobby. Mine's growing grass.'

'Goodnight honey... did you remember to unplug the baby?'

'We want the garden to be stamped with my husband's personality.'

'What if your tree grows, Burl? Won't it choke to death?'