Houseguest Gifts

"Wow, I can't believe it's already time for you guys to pick up on social cues that we'd like you to leave."

'It's a guest tooth brush!!! You're not the only guest we've ever had, Dale!'

Your friend's shower

"This is a little awkward, but you've been our guest for a while now, and we all have work in the morning..."

'Would you look at that! Kitty doesn't usually like strangers.'

"There are easier ways to boot someone off our WI-FI network."

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

'Is there any chance at all I could get you to stop leaving your pantyhouse laying around?!'

'Now here's a place I like!'

'Don't worry. They say the first 24 months of living in a house during remodeling are the hardest.'

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

"I’ll have something for you as soon as Table Seven sees the entrée prices."

House proud woman vacuums hair from dog.

'Here you are. I got tired of making you endless cups of tea..!'

"This should be cozy. Just let me know if you need an extra sousaphone."

"Oh no! This chimney needs re-pointing."

"How do you know it's my leaves clogging the shower drain?"

Heavy-duty, super-capacity, two speeds, 10 cycles. All of them vicious.

A restaurant with a "Main Dining Room" and a "Room for Dessert".

"Smoking or nonsmoking?"

'Our Monday night '90-off wine night' isn't exactly working wonders for Tuesday thru Saturday.'

Compulsive Christmas Caterer!

'Just decaning the wine, Dear; I'll be in, in a sec. Someone's at the door; and oh, yeah, the dog needs to be let in.'

'What if someone says 'everything is not alright'?'

"You know, we've given this same bottle back and forth to each other for so long that it's probably pretty good by now."

Come dine with me!

"And that's when they left for vacation!"

'You just had to tell them to make themselves at home!'

'I can't get John to do a thing to the garden!'

'Brew?'

"I've got reservations for this evening."

Cat Delivery

'Main Street or Wall Street?'

"Thanks so much for letting me crash here, I really appreciate how unassertive you are."

'You wished to see the house red?'