First-time Houseguest Gifts

'It's a guest tooth brush!!! You're not the only guest we've ever had, Dale!'

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

"This is a little awkward, but you've been our guest for a while now, and we all have work in the morning..."

'Would you folks like sparkling water or tap water?'

'We can always cook it one half at a time.'

"This should be cozy. Just let me know if you need an extra sousaphone."

'Oh, that's Corky's way of saying hello.'

"...and most of all, thank you for pre-cooked holiday meals from the supermarket!"

'Oh, yes. We often have people around when my Wife cooks... Usually, the fire brigade.'

"I asked folks to bring whatever they want, so now we have ten tubs of guacamole, no chips, and eight cases of the most obnoxiously flavored hard seltzer."

"I think that before we put the flat on AirBnb we should have moved out."

'Brew?'

'You wished to see the house red?'

'I don't think they are playing with a full deck.'

"I think they're trying to tell us we've stayed to long."

"Wow, I can't believe it's already time for you guys to pick up on social cues that we'd like you to leave."

"Have some more tea, Mrs. Van Sickleford. Wendell is going to show you his mastodon tusk."

"Your college student, home for the holidays, waits until dinner to announce that he is now a vegan. . ."

'Surprise!'

'I'm getting really tired of your friend crashing here every night!'

'What do you mean you 'don't like curry'?!!'

'I've got to go - we're having the zebras for dinner.'

'Joan of Arc is visiting - make sure all the toilet seats are down.

'I must warn you our food isn't as good as you would find in a garbage can.'

"Tourists? What makes you think we're tourists?"

'Roger hates goodbyes.'

'Keep carving, there are still a few identifiable parts.'

'Thank you for folding up the sleeper sofa, Dear. Have you seen Mother?'

"Sink's clogged again?"

'Oognik! -- If I'd known you were coming, I'd have harpooned a whale!'

'You simply must eat at No 47! Their meal worm mix is to die for!'

I had hoped to file a missing persons report by now, but he won't leave.

"Well, you howler monkeys sure know how to attract a waiter's attention..."

'These are for Ken's homemade Chenin Blance. Trust me, you'll need them.'