Hosting Guests Gifts

"This should be cozy. Just let me know if you need an extra sousaphone."

'Thank you for folding up the sleeper sofa, Dear. Have you seen Mother?'

'Oognik! -- If I'd known you were coming, I'd have harpooned a whale!'

"It's only for a week. You know that you and mother don't like to sleep three in a bed!"

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Wine Lady

Join me in a Martini?

Party time.

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

'Ron's not drunk - he's pouting because we won't play Pictionary.'

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

"They make an awfully big thing of cookouts."

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

Two grooms/wedding guests raise a glass.

Barbecue

"This is a little awkward, but you've been our guest for a while now, and we all have work in the morning..."

'I'm the groom's broker and I'll be seating you before the ceremony begins. Technical analysts will be sitting on the left, and fundamental analysts will be on the right.'

'If you'll excuse me, I'm going to work the room.'

'Tea minus one hour thirty minutes and ten seconds.'

"Before I say, I do. Just let me run those vows past my best lawyer."

"Boy am I in trouble! How was I supposed to know that what I was scratching is called a "Wedding Dress"? She's so mad right now!"

"If they don't show up soon I'll have to admit I forgot to invite them."

"When we grow up we can eat snacks BEFORE dinner and call them hors d'oeuvres!"

'Hey hon, everyone and their dog is here!'

'Oh, yes. We often have people around when my Wife cooks... Usually, the fire brigade.'

'Oh, that's Corky's way of saying hello.'

"Let it breathe for an hour, to bring out the best home-truths."

'The three essentials for any wine are terroir, the producer and how envious it makes your guests.'

"I asked folks to bring whatever they want, so now we have ten tubs of guacamole, no chips, and eight cases of the most obnoxiously flavored hard seltzer."

"Thanks for inviting us over to try out your new hot tub!"

'Who took the cork out of my lunch?'

"You know, we've given this same bottle back and forth to each other for so long that it's probably pretty good by now."

"I'm hanging tough, guys, but have I mentioned how much I resent you for always making me hold the table?"