House Staff Gifts

"You rang?"

The moment Bradson's career as a butler came to an abrupt halt.

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

"I didn't spark joy."

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

Multi-tasking.

Hand Sanitizer Man, beloved superhero of every workplace in the world.

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

Dancing Doctor

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

'These are job perks.'

"Don't wait up. I'll be working late again tonight."

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

Housewife feeding her washing machine with a brief.

Kitchen Kapers

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

'Due to cutbacks, he lost his company vehicle, so he has to improvise.'

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

"It's a smart hamper that sucks up clothes. My mom claims I leave my clothes on the floor, so she has it follow me wherever I go."

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

Busy office.

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

Things my vacuum likes to suck up

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'