House Manager Gifts

This week, House Manager Blowviatt has been asked to avoid the appearance of playing to the cameras.

Let's get organized

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

"I didn't spark joy."

A man sees a leak in his ceiling and drills a hole in the floor under leak to by pass his apartment.

"Microwave to replace gas or oil central heating?" "Yes. Think how cheap it is to microwave a cup of tea!"

'We earn extra money by renting out your office at night.'

'You never compliment me when it's tidy so I figured you wouldn't notice when it's a tip!'

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

Housewife feeding her washing machine with a brief.

A Day In The Kitchen

"Our detractors call it suburban sprawl, but I prefer thinking of our plan as 'sustainable over-development!'"

"I see you've security marked your property."

"It's a smart hamper that sucks up clothes. My mom claims I leave my clothes on the floor, so she has it follow me wherever I go."

"By labeling it, I control it."

"I had to skip my workout."

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

"You called me, boss?" "Yes, I overheard you talking to patrons about all the new planets we’ve found." "I want you to stop doing that." "At least until I’m done buying up as much of that real estate as I can. I don’t need any competitors driving up the prices." "Very bad man." "When the hipsters run out of cities to gentrify here, my properties on Gliese 581c are going to make a killing."

Things my vacuum likes to suck up

'Your house is spotless, your children are well behaved and dinner was delicious. How do you do it?'

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

Musical Accompaniment to Household Chores.

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

"This looks like a job for 'Margarita Man!'"

Hassled Mother.

Bathroom Fairy

"A home recently sold in my neighborhood."

"Next time don't use a herbed vinegar."

'It comes with three settings. Single, Married, and Children.'

Cook and her Maids

Sick Building Syndrome

Woman has 3 towels in her restroom: 'Mine', 'Mine' and 'Mine'.