Room Service Staff Gifts

"Yes, this is Mr. Kalen in Room 1510 – would you send up an Android version of the Gideon Bible?"

'Hi, we'd like 2 orders of the codfish with mixed vegetables - only without the codfish - we've got our own.'

"Stephen and I are today's special."

Counting ribs

"Even the waiters here are organic."

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

"You owe me five bucks."

Hand Sanitizer Man, beloved superhero of every workplace in the world.

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

"She'll have a Shirley Temple, and I'll have a Shirley Temple's mother."

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

'Guess who just graduated cum laude from Sunnydale Obedience School?'

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

"Deep-dish pizza calls for deep-glass beer."

"Sorry, that's not my table."

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

"Our cook is new, so ge's Googling what goes on a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich as we speak."

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

'Let's pretend I'm a business owner and you're the janitorial service...'

'I'd like a round table!'

'4 Jello desserts - and, for the love of God, please make them all the same color.' (at restaurant with three kids)

"Would you prefer the talking or the non-talking section?"

'Would you like a balloon with that?'

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"Room for dessert, folks?"

"It's really important to me, as an artist, to make you feel like drinking more than usual so I get hired back."

Back in 5 minutes!

'Nobody minds if I take the ocean view suite with complimentary champagne and Sven, the in-room Swedish masseur, do they?'

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

'We'll start with a menu and a glass of water.'