Front Of House Staff Gifts

"Fresh sprinkles for your ice cream?"

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

Counting ribs

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"Even the waiters here are organic."

We need a new eco project. Ok. Let's get locally grown food into the school cafeteria. What's our strategy? We can start with the potatoes. I'll make the poster. We want home fries.

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

Hand Sanitizer Man, beloved superhero of every workplace in the world.

"You owe me five bucks."

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

Kitchen Kapers

"'TSP' stands for 'teaspoon' not 'two solid pounds'!"

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

'I'd give you a raise, but I had to throw tantrums to make my parents give me anything as a kid.'

"Our cook is new, so ge's Googling what goes on a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich as we speak."

"Deep-dish pizza calls for deep-glass beer."

"Sorry, that's not my table."

'Let's pretend I'm a business owner and you're the janitorial service...'

'I'd like a round table!'

'4 Jello desserts - and, for the love of God, please make them all the same color.' (at restaurant with three kids)

We're transferring you to company headquarters so you can kiss company hindquarters.

"Room for dessert, folks?"

"Would you prefer the talking or the non-talking section?"

Chef copy robot

'Nobody minds if I take the ocean view suite with complimentary champagne and Sven, the in-room Swedish masseur, do they?'

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

'Cooking'

"It's interpret-your-own-test-results day today."

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

'Would you like a balloon with that?'