Household Staff Gifts

"It's Parkins, sir; we're 'aving a bit of a time below stairs."

Fat footman has been told he will be dismissed if he doeas not lose weight

"To me they're essential workers."

Servant's Request

Mistress and servant

Interviewing for a new Servant

Butler takes salmon from the family for the servants to eat

Butler asking to leave because the governess now reads him prayers rather than the master

Lady saying her footman cannot be replaced, because all the tall men have gone to Australia.

Boy delivering satin shoes and a mended fan for a servant

Servant girl announcing she wishes to leave because the other servants are too unrefined

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"Microwave to replace gas or oil central heating?" "Yes. Think how cheap it is to microwave a cup of tea!"

Housewife feeding her washing machine with a brief.

Kitchen Kapers

'Our Filipino dog's a real treasure.'

"I had to skip my workout."

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

Handle With Care

Chef copy robot

Woman has 3 towels in her restroom: 'Mine', 'Mine' and 'Mine'.

'Cooking'

Ghostbasters 3

The household cavalry

Parenting Business Deals

"Me, I think Master and Mistress are incompetent: why else would they need a butler, 3 maids, 2 cooks, 5 gardeners, a pool boy and 2 personal assistants?"

"I got the part, but I play a waiter."

'What have I made for dinner? A reservation at the restaurant down the road. . .'

'It may not be your feng shui, but it's my feng shui.'

"I have my pants put on one leg at a time."

Dust Bunny

"And this latest robot vacuum can fetch a glass of wine while it cleans your floors!"

"Hello?"

"How many times have I told you kids to turn off the light when you leave a room?!"

Mr. Briggs' Pleasures of Housekeeping, part 1