House Flipping Humorist Gifts

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

'I've had the place gob-stopper-dashed.'

Estate Agent showing client his parents' house - '...and here's one from our affordable homes range'

Mouse real estate!

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'

"It's not so much a fixer upper as a tear it downer."

'If straw and sticks don't appeal, I do have something in brick that might interest you.'

"The piano's in tune, but the house is a little flat."

Do it yourself -- get someone else to do it -- get son to do it -- pay -- don't bother doing it -- move house

"The carpet really brings the room together."

Affordable housing

'And this is the sunken living room.'

Valentines for Real Estate

Goldfish in Bowl, "And this is the sitting room and the bedroom and the toilet and...."

"We'll take it."

"Well, you did say that you were just looking for something to get you started on the property ladder."

For sale sign 'Don't take that down, it's holding up the house.'

'And this is the walk-in laundry chute.'

Unreal Estate.

Estate agents lined up for sale during house-price slump.

'Beats me why I took this place. No en-suite, no walk-in robe and no dining room!'

"I'll carry you over a regular threshold, darling, as soon as the housing market improves."

Landlord holding back a tennant from his money: 'It's all part of the service!'

'Is this the open house?'

'...There's been a 20% rise in the length of time our house been on the market'

'I see this one is detached. Yes, the ones on either side fell down.'