Home Seller Humorist Gifts

A sign outside a house reads "For sale"; the house next door also has a sign that reads "Me too".

"We'd like to sell our TV..."

Home for sale (husband and TV included).

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

'. . .actually I'm not a real Guru, I was forced up here originally by the property prices.'

Pest Control

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

"Actually, 'Loss of Limb' would be covered under your homeowners policy."

'Is the fire included?'

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'

Mouse real estate!

An exaggeration of estate agents

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

'Now from this room you can get a great view of the whales going by!'

'We do have a property in your price range, but we need a time machine to go back and visit it!'

'Now, it does require some modernisation. . . .'

'The only means of access was via the previous tenant's hair. But not to worry, there's a ladder 'round the back.'

"The high price is due to the great view of the beach."

"I've downsized."

"Efficiency tombs available"

'It seems good, and he said the bit at the bottom is the name of the architect.'

See the house whose property taxes were raised

'If straw and sticks don't appeal, I do have something in brick that might interest you.'

"The bank rejected my application for a 2nd mortgage. They said they didn't have 1 in my size."

'Considering this is a floating mass of accumulated pond scum, I'd say you're gettin' one heck of a deal.'

"Every once in a while this house comes with a pool."

"We figured why not make some money while we migrate south."

"The only thing we seem to have in your price range is a bird box in Billericay."

"As president of the tenants' association, I have to inform you that our list of grievances has been eaten."

'It mostly scares the realtors.'

"Come climate change, you could find yourself sitting beach-front on the French riviera."

"For sale £470,000 house included"

"Apparently he told Chris Tarrant it was just enough to pay off his mortgage!"

"Yes, it's nice, but it's lost twenty per-cent of its value in the past year."