Home Seller Humor Gifts

'Due to a slight technical mistake, I sold your house to me for £2.50.'

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

'. . .actually I'm not a real Guru, I was forced up here originally by the property prices.'

'Is the fire included?'

An exaggeration of estate agents

'We do have a property in your price range, but we need a time machine to go back and visit it!'

'The only means of access was via the previous tenant's hair. But not to worry, there's a ladder 'round the back.'

"I've downsized."

'It seems good, and he said the bit at the bottom is the name of the architect.'

See the house whose property taxes were raised

'If straw and sticks don't appeal, I do have something in brick that might interest you.'

"The bank rejected my application for a 2nd mortgage. They said they didn't have 1 in my size."

"The only thing we seem to have in your price range is a bird box in Billericay."

"I know the schools are great, but is this really the house we want to ride out the apocalypse in?"

"It sucks being reincarnated as a snail, but at least I've finally achieved home ownership."

Affordable housing

"I've just been gazumped!"

'Inflation allows you to live in a more expensive neighbourhood without even moving.'

Catchment Area for Teachers

"Looks like housing starts are up."

Shoe for Rent

"We had something in your price range. . . but it was condemned!"

Snail Estate Agents

'Fancy living here with the in-laws until we find a place of our own?'

"It's a modest studio flat with own garden, 30 minutes from central London."

"When I move out of this whale, I'd like to sublet my space. That's why I had all my stuff shipped here."

A Wholly Owned Subsidiary of Uncle Sam.

'I'm positive that 'Open House' sign pointed to next door.'

'This is built on an historic location. It was the first garbage dump in the country.'

Nijinsky Moving Company . Ballet dancers.

Sign reads - For Sale Still Under A Million.

'Are you sure now is the best time to buy an inflatable house?'

'Another self build...'