Home Destruction Humorist Gifts

"The piano's in tune, but the house is a little flat."

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

Aqua Filter (frog jumping out).

'I've had the place gob-stopper-dashed.'

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

Yard Sale

"Are you looking for metric or imperial sized neck bolts?"

"You overwatered the plant, again."

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

'On today's market a property like this could fetch 175k... but with themed rooms, stone cladding, avocado bathroom suite and garden gnomes, you're talking closer to 95..!'

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

'No it's still not fixed'

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

Vocation,vocation,vocation.

How to Build a Bungalow

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

Carpet Cows

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

'If straw and sticks don't appeal, I do have something in brick that might interest you.'

'When did you get a ceiling fan?'

Need something from the fridge? This looks like a job for...Indoorman!

'There's nothing romantic about not being able to mend a fuse at your age!'

'We decided to rent out the back room until the baby comes.'

'You may be the CEO of a large corporation, but at home you're an OMW, observe my whims!'

VARIOUS ITEMS OF LABELLED KITCHENWARE.

Do it yourself -- get someone else to do it -- get son to do it -- pay -- don't bother doing it -- move house

'You said to call back if the gas problem got worse.'

"You rang?"