Home Destruction Humorist Gifts

"The piano's in tune, but the house is a little flat."

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

'...and remember, son, never throw up on an old carpet...wait until they get a new one!'

Aqua Filter (frog jumping out).

'I've had the place gob-stopper-dashed.'

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

Yard Sale

"Are you looking for metric or imperial sized neck bolts?"

"You overwatered the plant, again."

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

'On today's market a property like this could fetch 175k... but with themed rooms, stone cladding, avocado bathroom suite and garden gnomes, you're talking closer to 95..!'

It's from the homeowners association --- They want me to stop leaving my worries on the doorstep.

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

'No it's still not fixed'

Vocation,vocation,vocation.

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

How to Build a Bungalow

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

Carpet Cows

'If straw and sticks don't appeal, I do have something in brick that might interest you.'

'When did you get a ceiling fan?'

VARIOUS ITEMS OF LABELLED KITCHENWARE.

Do it yourself -- get someone else to do it -- get son to do it -- pay -- don't bother doing it -- move house

Oh, yeah, we love having a walk-out basement.

We're with the gutter cleaning service ….

Need something from the fridge? This looks like a job for...Indoorman!

'There's nothing romantic about not being able to mend a fuse at your age!'

'You may be the CEO of a large corporation, but at home you're an OMW, observe my whims!'

'We decided to rent out the back room until the baby comes.'

'You said to call back if the gas problem got worse.'