Home Loss Humorist Gifts

'It's always so sad when they repossess.'

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"Take me to your Larder!"

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

"Are you looking for metric or imperial sized neck bolts?"

Yard Sale

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

"For God's sake, Lucille. We're IN a vacuum."

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

"You overwatered the plant, again."

"But I use all of them!"

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

Estate Agent showing client his parents' house - '...and here's one from our affordable homes range'

"Actually, 'Loss of Limb' would be covered under your homeowners policy."

'On today's market a property like this could fetch 175k... but with themed rooms, stone cladding, avocado bathroom suite and garden gnomes, you're talking closer to 95..!'

Mouse real estate!

"Why not pay someone to clean out the gutters?" "Total waste of good beer money." And just like that, Gail became a widow.

'I don't want to be a nuisance, you can shoot me if it's more convenient.'

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

Vocation,vocation,vocation.

"Whoa - You're gonna need a whole new string!"

How to Build a Bungalow

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

Carpet Cows

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'