Hospital Week Gifts

'Sorry, but we are shorthanded today...'

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

"Turn your head and cough."

Thank you to our awesome NHS staff

'He still doesn't know how serious an amputation he's had, nurse, so try not to act too shocked.'

If this is a private room, how did YOU get in here?

...The decimal point was in the wrong place.

'We've talked it over, and we've decided to hold you for observation.'

'It reminds me of the Statue of Liberty. I see the tired, poor, and huddled masses.'

'It's called a bedSIDE manner, Doctor.'

Doctor with 'Out patient' clip board being sped up by 'Competition', 'Technology' and 'DRG's'

Don't worry. I'll be right there.

"Frank, is that you?"

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

The cell phone soother for life.

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

'Don't worry about your job at the office, Sweetie. They declared bankrupty today.'

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

If these are your medications, what happened to the beads I bought?

Balloon drip.

'You are a very good nurse. You're actually listening to what I'm saying.'

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'