Hospital Week Pillows

'Sorry, but we are shorthanded today...'

Nurse pushing the Grim Reaper out of the Surgery room.

"Turn your head and cough."

Thank you to our awesome NHS staff

'He still doesn't know how serious an amputation he's had, nurse, so try not to act too shocked.'

If this is a private room, how did YOU get in here?

...The decimal point was in the wrong place.

'We've talked it over, and we've decided to hold you for observation.'

'It reminds me of the Statue of Liberty. I see the tired, poor, and huddled masses.'

'It's called a bedSIDE manner, Doctor.'

Doctor with 'Out patient' clip board being sped up by 'Competition', 'Technology' and 'DRG's'

Don't worry. I'll be right there.

"Frank, is that you?"

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

The cell phone soother for life.

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

"Chaplain, the lord should put warning labels on some of his creations."

'Nurse, why is there always a fly in my ointment?'

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

'Will I live Doctor?' 'Yes, but I don't advise it!'

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

No caption. (Man wearing a cast is in traction. He imagines sheep lining up to jump fence. Sheep also wear casts.)

'Don't worry about your job at the office, Sweetie. They declared bankrupty today.'

Balloon drip.

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

If these are your medications, what happened to the beads I bought?

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

"L.L. Bean slippers... $25.00 Ambulance ride to hospital... $500.00 X-rays of spine... $350.00 Three refills of hydrocodone... priceless!"

'You are a very good nurse. You're actually listening to what I'm saying.'