Hospital Scenarios Gifts

'I don't think I could ever get that hungry.'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

Worry tank

'But they told me to take her down to theatre...'

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

"Ugh, we get it - you're in love."

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

Being Serenading in Casualty

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

"Why, Mr. Larsen! We were about ready to give up on you."

"Congratulations, Mr and Mrs Starmer. It's a tool!"

'Is there a chance you will die under the anaesthetic? Well, that is the killer question.'

"Dr. Eliot, would you let the dog out?"

'Hey, this guy's been operated on before!'

'I'll give it back to you in a second hon, I just want to get this broccoli out of my teeth.'

'Get me a hundred milligrams of Oxycontin... And pick up something for this guy while you're at it.'

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

"The doctor will now glance in passing at you."

We charge $500 for every nook and $1,200 for every cranny during diagnosis.

'Last year's 'Bring your pet to work day' turned out very well.'

'And Remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

'You're either getting smaller or they're giving you bigger pillows.'

Celebration in operating theatre.

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."

"But, for ten million bucks, would you lick it?"

We need to keep him a few days, but we can loan you a courtesy husband until he's ready to go home.

'You can always tell the pediatricians.'

Admissions lady: 'I don't take care of myself like I should ... my negligence probably killed a guy once ... I'm secretly attracted to you ...'

'Either I've got bad news for you or my watch has stopped...'

'It's a screaming ladies part.'

'Your left ventricle doesn't know what your right ventricle is doing.'