Hospital Scenes Gifts

'He's always talking about all of his operations.'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

"Your test results are in...now the interpretations can begin."

Being Serenading in Casualty

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

"Why, Mr. Larsen! We were about ready to give up on you."

"Congratulations, Mr and Mrs Starmer. It's a tool!"

"I told you, Doctor! There's nothing in here!"

'Is there a chance you will die under the anaesthetic? Well, that is the killer question.'

"I came here to be treated - not flattered!"

'Hey, this guy's been operated on before!'

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

"The doctor will now glance in passing at you."

'And Remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

'Last year's 'Bring your pet to work day' turned out very well.'

'Either I've got bad news for you or my watch has stopped...'

Admissions lady: 'I don't take care of myself like I should ... my negligence probably killed a guy once ... I'm secretly attracted to you ...'

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."

Celebration in operating theatre.

'It's a screaming ladies part.'

'You can always tell the pediatricians.'

Hospital porter leaving brain behind

'Your left ventricle doesn't know what your right ventricle is doing.'

"We'd like to start out being very involved with you but eventually be drawn away to much more interesting cases down the hall."

Maternity Ward "Just call me the Secretary of Labor."