Hospital Scenes Gifts

'He's always talking about all of his operations.'

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'You'll be able to lead a normal life after the operation -- except, of course, for your enormous medical bills.'

'I'd like a second opinion, doctor.'

"Your test results are in...now the interpretations can begin."

Being Serenading in Casualty

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

STRIP Hambone: Businessman in hospital with his computer

"I expect a speedy recovery,"

"Why, Mr. Larsen! We were about ready to give up on you."

"Congratulations, Mr and Mrs Starmer. It's a tool!"

"I told you, Doctor! There's nothing in here!"

'Is there a chance you will die under the anaesthetic? Well, that is the killer question.'

"I came here to be treated - not flattered!"

'Hey, this guy's been operated on before!'

'I'll give it back to you in a second hon, I just want to get this broccoli out of my teeth.'

'Get me a hundred milligrams of Oxycontin... And pick up something for this guy while you're at it.'

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

'Last year's 'Bring your pet to work day' turned out very well.'

"The doctor will now glance in passing at you."

'And Remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

Mort, the doctor says you can't get too riled up. It's bad for your heart. Yes, dear. You're not a young man anymore. You're not in tip-top shape. You don't eat well. You're not so muscular. I'm not a fan of your haircut. Nurse!

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."

Hospital porter leaving brain behind

We need to keep him a few days, but we can loan you a courtesy husband until he's ready to go home.

'You can always tell the pediatricians.'

'Either I've got bad news for you or my watch has stopped...'

Admissions lady: 'I don't take care of myself like I should ... my negligence probably killed a guy once ... I'm secretly attracted to you ...'

Celebration in operating theatre.

'It's a screaming ladies part.'

'Your left ventricle doesn't know what your right ventricle is doing.'

"We'd like to start out being very involved with you but eventually be drawn away to much more interesting cases down the hall."

Medical school graduation gowns.